Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
