If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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