Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
