I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
