my being single is dangerous.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
