Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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