No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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