Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
