How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
