y did u give ur computer a hand job?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
