It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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