Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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