You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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