you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
