so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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