so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
