I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
