Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
