your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I faked an abortion last night.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize