My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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