my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
