I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
