I'm going to jail i love you
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
