I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
