hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
