don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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