he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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