I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My cat gives me a boner
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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