She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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