You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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