Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
