I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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