Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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