Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
