Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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