I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
