Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
