I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
