Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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