Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
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Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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