You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
