i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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