i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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