I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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