I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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