You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
