the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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