I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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