did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
