Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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