Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
