So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
