I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
