This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to stop coming to work sober
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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