Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is her dick bigger than yours?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
