Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
