at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
