I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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