don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
