btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
