Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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