we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
